So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
