i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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