Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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