the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
