Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
