he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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