i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
