just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
