my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
