he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
