my being single is dangerous.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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