I wanna bring you to show and tell
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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