Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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