Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
nut hugger
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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