I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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