And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
