every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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