She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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