I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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