the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
