honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
