I need help removing her.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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