NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
