Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
