I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
