highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
