i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize