remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
