this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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