she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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