Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
