And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
