Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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