Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
