we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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