I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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