we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Found the puke drawer
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
