WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
