dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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