our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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