if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
