xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
