bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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