Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
