Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
