we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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