i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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