He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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