This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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