Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
