Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
