She said her name was "party"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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