You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
