I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize