Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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