totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
