I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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