WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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