I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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