You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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