Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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