I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
