i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
