I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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