I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
