Whod you bang
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
