So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
