Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
