so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i out mim tonsoeep
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