Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
