I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
