She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
