If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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