Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
