I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
